Beautiful Disaster
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When we sing songs like "I Surrender All" and say stuff like " God I just give You my all" do we really know what we are saying? Here I am in a mother's nightmare. I think about all the times I have sung the songs and have said all the right "spiritual" things, but did I really mean them? Now my little boy is slowly dying of cancer and I think to myself "God do I really give You everything?" In the midst of watching my little boy suffer from a grueling disease I say to myself "Lord, Josiah is Yours and in Your infinite wisdom if You see fit to heal his broken physical body, please I ask that You do, but if You see fit for him to go home then please I beg of You to give me the strength and the grace to live through his departure." " I know if Josiah goes home that he will be in a better place than this harsh and cruel world, but I ask if this is the course which You allow me to walk through please help me."
In this whole experience I have found God and my salvation. I may fail, I may be broken, I may make mistakes, but I am experiencing God like I have never before. I am torn into pieces, my heart is striken with anger and much grief, but I know He is with me, and maybe just maybe I will make it. You know I am begining to know what hope is. While my world crumbles before me I am relieved to know God is my hope, my only hope. I am glad I atleast have that. I guess I could call this time in my life a Beautiful Disaster.
posted by Maria | 10:06 PM
3 Comments:
Maria,
I stumbled upon your blog and am glad I did so. You and your son, Josiah, are absolutely beautiful. I understand the difficulty of praising the Lord through times of trial. The song "Blessed be Your Name" (Matt Redman) has given such hope yet can be difficult to sing at times. Take comfort in knowing that even strangers, like myself, will hold you up in prayer during this time of a beautiful disaster.
Blessings,
Karyn
Maria, My oldest son Tres knows Josiah by name. He recognizes his picture on the internet. Tres hears me call out Josiah's name daily... and his sweet innocent lips lift him up every night. I know you are certainly walking through the darkest time in your life thus far. That is why I am determined to hold you up. God grant wisdom, peace, favor, salvation, hope, patience, and eternal faith during this time. Your rewards are eternal and we trust in You always. Give Dan and Maria a super-size portion of your grace to walk through this valley. Lord, we know that even now, Your will is being done. Hold their hands, wipe their tears, let them find sanctuary in quiet time with you. Give them rest when they feel weary, and show Yourself true. Give them smiles when they feel feeble, and hands to guide them through this unknown and uncharted time. We know You are God, and we stand with this incredible Mother in her hardest time. Amen.
I love you Maria.
Maria,
There are no words. I just cannot even begin to image what you are walking through. I pray for you and your family all of the time. We ask for a peace that passes all understanding to hold you through a situation we just do not understand. You are any amazing woman and you have inspired me and thousands of other women. Your strength and honesty through this unimaginable situation has helped them though the trials of their lives and they have never even met you. God’s anointing is all around you and the grace in which you have walked is amazing. We continue to pray for wisdom, peace, and supernatural complete healing in your family and your precious son. We love you all very much. Traci
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