My Journey

Losing Our Josiah A Journal in a Mother's Darkest Season

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Location: Alabaster, Alabama, United States

I am from San Juan, Puerto Rico. I speak fluent Spanish and English.

Sunday, June 26, 2005

Alone

I can't help but feel like I am going through this journey alone. Sometimes I feel like people do not understand the seriousness of this disease. There is no human cure for this cancer. If this cancer continues to progress my little boy will go home much earlier than I would of ever expected. If this is the case, if this is what God will allow, I will miss him. There will always be a huge hole in my heart until the day when I am reunited with him. I ask God to help me live through this. Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed that my body gets weak and I feel such a tightness in my chest. I don't write this to make anyone feel bad. I do know of the people that have been so helpful. It's just the loneliness of being in this situation when our family is the one who faces this every minute of everyday. I do thank all who have helped and who continue to help. I am forever grateful. It even helps to know that people are reading my blog.

Well, as I think about other families going through difficult times, I think about the New Jersey Families that lost their children in a tragic accident. I do not know if they know Jesus, but I sure do pray this path leads them to hope in Christ. If not this family will be consumed by this awful tragedy. I now know that living this life without Christ will only lead us to despair with no way out. We may not have a say so in things we cannot control, but I do know that God will bring justice to those things that try very hard to destroy us. I believe that God will pour His wrath on satan and bring justice to His children. I hold on to this verse "God is close to the broken hearted" I look foward to the day that cancer will get what it deserves.

2 Comments:

Blogger Staci said...

I do not understand the depth of your pain or the fear that must come over you at the bare thought of not winning this battle. I don't have words to say to help you and no life saving word that will bring Josiahs Cancer under sumbission, but the LORD DOES! I know you and Dan have been strong in your faith through it all, and know what the Word says. But I also know how it feels when your heart is torn into pieces, and though you long to Sing to the Lord and Declare his Glory and marvel at his handy work- sometimes we just need to cry, scream, kick- and remember that the Lord has put out the word in 1 Chronicles 16:22 Do not touch my anointed ones! I will pray with and for you Maria. Chris and I have only been in the Ministry for 6 years, but in the last year God has done some Major changes in our lives- through pain. I too want to write about my journey from this past year- but have not been able to do it yet. You inspire me by the day to be willing to be transparent with my pain and allow the Lord to enter in. Keep posting! Much Love-

11:08 PM  
Blogger Jamie said...

We all love you Maria. I know if there was ANYTHING I could do to make this journey easier, I would absolutely do it. My family and I continue to pray for complete healing. God hears our prayers and knows your heart, Maria.

11:56 AM  

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